Supercharge your Marriage
People often ask me how many weddings I have done and the answer is, I don’t know. I know it is more than 50 but I haven’t kept track. I do know that I have done two on my own anniversary and that every single one is a pleasure and a privilege. It is not uncommon for me to have tears in my eyes as the bride makes her way down the aisle, reminding me of my own wedding. Then as couples make their vows, place rings on fingers and kiss to confirm their promises, my heart always jumps with exuberant thankfulness.
One thing I have learned from all the joy is that the wedding is just a day and there is so much more to think about when it comes to making a marriage great. So here are a few pieces of advice for people who are married or who are thinking they’d like to be married one day.
Remember that the wedding day is just a day - an important day in the story of your relationship, but a day nonetheless. Sometimes, so much time and energy and stress goes into the day that the relationship is shelved only to be thought about again on the honeymoon. A good goal is to spend as much time on building your relationship in the months before the wedding as you spend planning the wedding itself.
Don’t think that your relationship will fundamentally change once the wedding day is over. The person you love and marry the day before the wedding will still be the same person the day after. Many people think that their relationship problems will magically disappear once promises are made and rings and worn. It just does not happen. Fix the relationship you are in. Marriage can’t do it for you.
Remember that the only person you can actually change is you. Many wedding MCs joke about the way wives change husbands but the truth is that you can’t forcibly change another person’s mind or behaviour. Of course, you should share ideas, make (kind and humble) observations about the way your partner conducts themselves, but if you want to see lasting change in your partner, it will only be achieved by your partner. If you want to see change, you have to start with you.
Memorise your vows. And if you have forgotten them, go back and memorise them again. We all remember important things, our brains are filled with them. My mum’s maiden name rolls off the tongue. So remember your vows - they’re some of the most important promises you will ever make. Rehearse them annually to remind yourself of what you promised and to help you assess where you need work. And keep your word. Your spouse, your family and our society will thank you.
Don’t stop working on your relationship, ever. Read a book about marriage and relationships or see a counsellor for a marriage check up every few years. If you are full of joy in your marriage, share that with your spouse. If you have concerns, speak up even if it is hard. If you feel something, say something.
With this last point in mind, I want to remind you that each year, we run a Marriage Course to help you supercharge marriages. Even the best marriages face challenges and can improve. So whether you’ve been married a short time or for many years, there’s always room for growth as we seek to reflect Jesus more and more, in order to be a blessing to each other, our children, our friends and our church.
The course we use has been written by Keith and Sarah Condie, who draw on wisdom from the Bible and marriage research. Each session runs for two hours and includes video content and time for couples to discuss their marriage alone at their table.
It starts on Thursday May 22 and runs for 5 weeks. Why not jump in and work on your marriage in 2025.
